Perspective Inertia

I feel stuck, caught in between wanting to self-actualize (being greedy and ambitious, perhaps) and wanting to reach out to any one of the millions of people who could use my help, somehow. The easiest excuse is obvious: where would what I have to offer be of the most benefit? The answer is most likely: just start somewhere and ask/offer!

It's that old inferiority/superiority paradox. Who am I to think that I deserve opportunity? At the same time the question, "Is it unfair to deny the world the creativity and/or compassion I possess?" pops up and reminds me of this...

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us most. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and famous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in all of us. And when we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

--Written/adapted by Marianne Williamson from A Return to Love and used by Nelson Mandela in his 1994 inaugural speech

I love that passage! What an exciting challenge and responsibility. Of course, people are allowed to be good at more than one thing. I feel like I've run out of time for some things and don't know where to begin practicing others. So, I keep skating. As my swivel skiing teacher used to say (more or less), "You take a really long time to learn new things, but you don't compromise your technique along the way." Maybe I have "big patience" (like beautiful Tzvetanka of the Bulgarian Women's Choir at UCLA) in some areas.

I definitely feel like more of a "life's a journey, not a destination" kind of person. I guess having certain destinations in mind throughout my journey wouldn't be a bad idea, though. That way, maybe I can avoid looking back and saying,


"I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific."
-- Lily Tomlin













Another inspiring quote I love has been attributed to Goethe and traced (by a diligent researcher for the Goethe Society of North America) to John Anster in a "very free translation" of (Goethe's) Faust from 1835. The lines in question are spoken by the "Manager" in the "Prelude at the Theatre":

Then indecision brings its own delays,

And days are lost lamenting over lost days.

Are you in earnest? Seize this very minute;

What you can do, or dream you can do, begin it;

Boldness has genius, power and magic in it.

I can state with certainty that I have had many exhilarating adventures on my journey, so far. I cannot state with certainty that I wouldn't have had any fun had my focus been on earning an impressive salary or finding an impressive husband instead of working in creative environments (as it has been). I can only wonder and appreciate the freedom I possess.

When I consider people in other countries (and from other cultures) whose family makes most of the "big" decisions in their life, such as who to marry (and that they will marry) or what vocation they will have, I gain a new appreciation for Dad's old advice about privileges (such as freedom) coming with responsibilities. So, I feel charged with needing to try something (anything?!); and I feel slightly less intimidated about doing that here in New Zealand than I did in New York City. After all, as the characters from Avenue Q wisely remind Princeton, "There is life outside your apartment; but you've got to open the door!"