Perspective Inertia

I feel stuck, caught in between wanting to self-actualize (being greedy and ambitious, perhaps) and wanting to reach out to any one of the millions of people who could use my help, somehow. The easiest excuse is obvious: where would what I have to offer be of the most benefit? The answer is most likely: just start somewhere and ask/offer!

It's that old inferiority/superiority paradox. Who am I to think that I deserve opportunity? At the same time the question, "Is it unfair to deny the world the creativity and/or compassion I possess?" pops up and reminds me of this...

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us most. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and famous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in all of us. And when we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

--Written/adapted by Marianne Williamson from A Return to Love and used by Nelson Mandela in his 1994 inaugural speech

I love that passage! What an exciting challenge and responsibility. Of course, people are allowed to be good at more than one thing. I feel like I've run out of time for some things and don't know where to begin practicing others. So, I keep skating. As my swivel skiing teacher used to say (more or less), "You take a really long time to learn new things, but you don't compromise your technique along the way." Maybe I have "big patience" (like beautiful Tzvetanka of the Bulgarian Women's Choir at UCLA) in some areas.

I definitely feel like more of a "life's a journey, not a destination" kind of person. I guess having certain destinations in mind throughout my journey wouldn't be a bad idea, though. That way, maybe I can avoid looking back and saying,


"I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific."
-- Lily Tomlin













Another inspiring quote I love has been attributed to Goethe and traced (by a diligent researcher for the Goethe Society of North America) to John Anster in a "very free translation" of (Goethe's) Faust from 1835. The lines in question are spoken by the "Manager" in the "Prelude at the Theatre":

Then indecision brings its own delays,

And days are lost lamenting over lost days.

Are you in earnest? Seize this very minute;

What you can do, or dream you can do, begin it;

Boldness has genius, power and magic in it.

I can state with certainty that I have had many exhilarating adventures on my journey, so far. I cannot state with certainty that I wouldn't have had any fun had my focus been on earning an impressive salary or finding an impressive husband instead of working in creative environments (as it has been). I can only wonder and appreciate the freedom I possess.

When I consider people in other countries (and from other cultures) whose family makes most of the "big" decisions in their life, such as who to marry (and that they will marry) or what vocation they will have, I gain a new appreciation for Dad's old advice about privileges (such as freedom) coming with responsibilities. So, I feel charged with needing to try something (anything?!); and I feel slightly less intimidated about doing that here in New Zealand than I did in New York City. After all, as the characters from Avenue Q wisely remind Princeton, "There is life outside your apartment; but you've got to open the door!"

Customer Service

"So THAT'S why you got your degree -- to play with puzzles all day and clean them up!"

And I said nothing at all in response. Here are a few things I felt like saying, though:













"Hi, there. How are you? I'd like to introduce you to a close personal friend of mine I can tell you haven't met. He's called Tact. Yes, do us all a favor and, please, get to know him. Actually, have you and I even met? Oh, that's right. We HAVEN'T. So, what in the world gave you the idea that I'd like to hear your opinion about how I choose to spend my time and earn an honest living? Wait, I know this one: your lack of respect and consideration for humanity! I don't recall showing up at your place of work and harassing you about your career. Are you even employed? I wonder why you got your degree(s), if you have any."


Fortunately, I have had "classical" training in the ways of customer service, through Disney, FAO Schwarz and other cool companies. I find the four "Fish" principles helpful in trying situations. They are: Play, Make Their Day, Be There, and Choose Your Attitude. I'd guess that 'Choose Your Attitude' is the one I think about the most. The ideas of empowerment and not having to be a victim of circumstances resonate with me.

Like George McFly, I'd love to get better at confrontations and develop the confidence to think on my feet. How great would I feel speaking up in a friendly, perhaps ambiguous, way when faced with folks like the one quoted above. In this particular situation I thought a non-defensive answer could have been, "There are certain aspects of this job that are more difficult than others -- like when we host inconsiderate visitors, for example." If pressed for more clarity I could have added that not all visitors put things back as neatly as they find them, perhaps due to carelessness or a lack of respect for others who will use the space after they have gone.

I consider myself very lucky to go many, many days without meeting people whose attitude I consider extremely unreasonable. Today I felt humbled by the patient and respectful people I encountered. I love watching what I believe to be healthy family dynamics. Sometimes lousy weather brings out the best in people -- or maybe just the best people!

Now You're Cookin' with Gr..., uh, Nonstick Cookware

Thanks to my highly-skilled new flatmate and The Engine 2 Diet book I think I might have finally found the motivation to learn to cook a few things. I suppose it's a bit too early to tell. I'm so excited about the whole idea, at the moment. I know that limited free time, fatigue and old habits may get in the way as time goes on.

I have a new appreciation and understanding for the Julie/Julia Project, though. Cooking makes sense. It nourishes your soul and body. It's fun to do alone or with others. Need I say more?

Oh, but I will! French Toast proved to be a bit more difficult, especially with all the substitutions to the French Toast recipe we always used when I was growing up. (Instead of milk and eggs for the bread dip this recipe uses milk substitute, banana, vanilla and cinnamon.) I think the gluten-free bread I used was more dense and not quite as porous as some wheat breads I have used in the past. Maybe next time I can figure out a better way to let it sop up more of the dip. Fortunately, real maple syrup made up for a lot of mediocrity on this attempt.

Ooooh, I should have gotten pictures of last night's four-hour "Raise the Roof" lasagna project. I took a break and did a happy dance around the apartment when I figured out that the food processor chops raw cashews so much quicker and with less mess than I had managed with a knife and cutting board. I have leftovers! My version of this tasty dish includes onions, garlic, basil, pepper, rosemary, capsicum (green bell pepper), corn, mashed kumara (New Zealand yellow sweet potato), carrots, broccoli, cucumber, celery, mushrooms, tofu, spinach, roma tomatoes, chopped cashews and almonds (as a garnish), and the standard tomato sauce and lasagna sheets, of course.

I'll keep working on finding winning formulas for cutting back on eating out spending and lacto-ovo consumption.

Open letter to a champion

You are amazing. I love the way you support my ideas and dreams. You even came up with a new idea for a career in which you thought I could excel. Maybe that was slightly self-serving. I don't really mind. I appreciate your consistently positive attitude and your ability to find humor in potentially frustrating situations. Just quietly, I think your way of dealing with kids is incredible. You are so good at getting them excited about knowledge -- I guess because you are. You're quite inspiring.